Do you ever feel that you are a part of a race? Running and running, competing to be the best? Ever felt that you are running towards a goal but you are uncertain what that point is or even if you want it? Have you ever felt what you wanted before, that isn’t your want anymore? I can say that I have.
Humans, the incredible creation of nature or the universe who has the ability to create and innovate. We have a brain to think about everything in us and around us but may be heart has the strength to confuse it and trouble us.
When I was younger, things were pretty simple. I just had to decide what game I wanna play, watch cartoon, the candies and chocolates I like. At that point what my parents decide was the right choice for me because I didn’t think of anything else other than watching cartoon network or Disney channel. With the years passing by I’ve grown too. I built the ability to understand things, to make decisions, to deny and accept and also to get confused. A few years back what seemed right for me, it doesn’t anymore but for me and not anyone else. What you think its not necessary people will think the same. Our choices and wants change with the maturity we gain and you can’t expect people to accept the change at once. Society or the people around you doesn’t disappoint you. I mean not everyone in it disappoints you for not getting you but your parents and the closed ones do. You get disappointed, feel bad and may be shut them out at times. But what is their fault? They can’t read your mind, can they? May be they won’t get your point of view at times. They won’t understand your wants, likes and dislikes at first or may be for a long time but that doesn’t mean they will never. The way you are figuring out yourself and also trying to know the point of view of your parents, the same way they are also dealing with changes and the fact that they don’t know you anymore, that you are a grown up and things change with the way you change. You are confused yourself then how are they supposed to understand you so quick? They are also humans the way everyone is, its just that we expect from our close ones and not others.
I took a decision to talk to my parents about what I wanna do and it was difficult. Its not easy when you have people around you who doesn’t wanna listen but just wants you to work according to their wants but that doesn’t mean that one shouldn’t even try. My sister didn’t wanna listen to me at all and before I started she cut me off. It hurts when I recall how I fought for what she wanted and stood for her in front of my parents and now she has what she wanted but she doesn’t even wanna listen to my heart. When I spoke to my mother about it she reacted as if the world has come to an end or she is gonna die or something. And I just couldn’t say anything else. It was over that very moment and she didn’t care about it. It hurts, it really does but you know at same time it also felt a lot better that all of it was out my chest. You can’t just sit and expect people to know. You have to speak up and take a stand. You have to explain and trust yourself totally with it so that they can be sure about your decision too. I was sitting on a beach when I spoke to her and the words just came you know. It felt right to say so I did but it didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to be but it felt good. It takes time you know. My mother said why are you telling all this, what is this, I don’t know you anymore, etc. I remember what I said and that was “NOTHING IS SUDDEN” and that made me realise that ya it isn’t. She is right she doesn’t know me because she haven’t tried to and also I haven’t tried to. Everything takes time you know. You can’t expect results to be so quick and if it is you can’t expect it to be according to you. All you need is to be sure of yourself and make them understand your view.
It is important to have someone you can talk to without giving it a thought. It is OK to have a person you can pour your heart to. I know how it feels when you don’t. I am not a sharing person and also I don’t have anyone to open up to. I have many friends, I have my parents and a sister but I don’t have that one person who I feel will understand or may be just listen to me when I speak sense or rubbish. May be this blog was not just about inspiring people but to know myself and also knowing that someone out their may be feels the same way or may be just understands me, makes me feel safe and good to open up about my feelings here. Its strange how you just speak whatever you feel like in front of a stranger but you feel inferior with the people you know. At least I do.
I don’t know in what place I am right now and that is the reason I have been off lately on social media and this blog too. But I know I will get through it, at least that’s what I wanna tell myself. Its OK to be confused, to make mistakes because it is the first step to clarity and not making any again. Just be strong enough to understand it, accept it and speak about it. Don’t be afraid of who you are and what you want. Make a mistake you won’t regret. Just be yourself and be proud of it. Be known to the fact that even if you mess up it will be your mess and you won’t change it because it will change you.
I wrote a few lines long back and it felt right to write it here…
She just wanted to be different.
But that was not what others wanted her to become.
She didn’t wanna just sit and wait for the
right time and things to be done.
She wanted to travel the roads of uncertainty.
She wanted to wander quandary. Discovering…..
Thank you for being such great people and I’ll be back with a new post this time soon. Please do give your likes and comments and also do share and subscribe because you guys matter.
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